Today I thought about how lucky I am to be alive, why I have had certain things happen to me, and why these things are for the betterment of me as well as those around me. I know I sometimes hide pieces of myself to other people, so I decided to write this. I want people who know me to know not only what I have been through, but how I feel about what I went through. I also hope this might help those I know who struggle with their own issues. If you have issues/disabilities they do not have to be a burden...they can turn out to be wonderful blessings in ways, which you have never imagined.
I was in a t-bone accident when I was 19...when I was on delayed entry for the US Navy. The doctor said the type of car that I had at the time saved my life, but if it had been 2 more inches I'd be paralyzed and more than that I would be dead. I was unconscious when I was rushed to Shock Trauma, stayed overnight, refused surgery because I knew it would automatically disqualify me from being in the military (glad I did because I would have not met one of my best friends...Dezra), was on bed rest and physical therapy for 6 plus months...I had to learn how to walk again.
The pain was so bad that I had to sleep upright on the couch because I had no range of motion. It hurt to even lift my feet. Any movement hurt to the point where I was in tears. I was drugged up on Percocet for about a month (yes, I know that is a long time), which I am pretty sure I got addicted to...good thing is I abruptly stopped taking them and flushed the rest when I realized.
Besides the physical pain I was confused as to what happened to me and was wrong with me. I knew that something was different, but I could not verbalize it. I could not put into words what was happening, but I knew something was different. I was very confused, angry, and frustrated. I was told that nothing was wrong with me at the time by someone who was very much NOT qualified to make that judgment. Years later I found out.
(Story behind me finding out...I was taking Intro to Special Ed in school. After the last day of class the professor asked to speak to me after class. She said basically she hoped I wouldn't be offended and said that I was intelligent, I could talk to her about anything, but failed all my tests and she felt I may have disabilities....so I went to a few testing services and 2 years later and about 80 hours of testing later was told by my personal testing crew that my disabilities and testing were consistent with a head injury. This affirmed what I had felt all along in my head with knowing something was different about me since my accident...I have multiple disabilities as a result of my accident)
This accident was a major pivotal moment in my life. At that time (shortly before my accident) I denied any belief in anything and/or did not care (ie. God), was busy going out and partying all the time, and on occasion hung out with people who could have ruined my life. I can't say that me being an observer to the things that they did was any better than them doing it. This accident made me stop and take a look at my life. I am grateful for this accident and the wonderful blessings that it has brought into my life.
It was because of this accident that I am alive today. I say this because I was on a fast track to being a statistic. I am a different and changed person...for the better. This accident helped me to see the world in a completely different way and made me stop and smell the roses. I have become far more open to things that I never thought I would do before. It has shaped the type of friends that I have, the romantic relationships that I have had, and the career path that I am on now.
While on this path I met Jay, who helped me through my testing, diagnosis, and accepting myself...I also met Cheryl, who helped me not only accept myself, but made me want to be more vocal about myself and to be more out there about advocating for other people who have disabilities as well as advocating for myself. I also did my internship and met many co-workers who were open about having disabilities that it made it easier for me to be open about mine. I also met Susan, who was my disability advisor at Towson University. She became a mentor, a friend, and taught me how to advocate for myself. I met and had roommates, who all helped me accept myself. I have met friends, who work with people who have disabilities who were open enough to understand a little bit of where I am coming from. There are others I have met, who have disabilities and who have helped me. I know I met all of these people to help guide me and I feel so lucky to have them in my life.
I know that people ask all the time why bad things happen to good people or why God could let these things happen. I think that these things are a gift to me from God and that these things I know for a fact happened to me because it was for the betterment of me and the people around me. I have and continue to help so many people and hope to help returned vets who might be going through some of the physical and emotional things I went through after my accident. If this accident did not happen...I know I would have never met the people that I have met and I would not have wanted to work with the people I want to work with.
I believe that having this accident was a gift from God...at the time I did not understand, but now it is clear as day why I had to go through those things. I would never take any of it back.
Happy ADA Day!
